I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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