names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
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