Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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