i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
