But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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