I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
