We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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