I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
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