I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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