I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
