Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Randomize
