If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
