ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
BRING THE BAGELS
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
