the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
