He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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