so that wasnt chicken after all
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
