I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
