Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
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