so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
