Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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