i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
