There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
