Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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