I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
