were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
