I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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