I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Boobs speak an international language.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
