oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
