He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Randomize
