Your dad touched me again.
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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