I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
