Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
