On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
