I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
