I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
