She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
