I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
