that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
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