Im at strip club and am horny
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
