Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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