Don't make out with my wife yet
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just invented taco cereal.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
