If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
