think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Holy sore nipples Batman
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Randomize
