he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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