No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
