Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I wasn't on board with that statement until "home made dinosaurs"
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Randomize
