It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Randomize
