you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
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