I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
