I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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