i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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