is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
