Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
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