Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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