You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
false alarm, still single
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
