The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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