she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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