i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
